Sunday, March 20, 2011

Frankie Say Relax!!

Relax! So says Frankie Goes To Hollywood. This is the advice that we ‘infertiles’ hear all the time…to the point of annoyance! At least for me. But even though having someone tell me this time and time again, I do know that it is good advice (shhh…don’t ever admit it to them!). I have a hard time just simply relaxing about TTC, but I find that when I’m busy, I find it a little easier to get through those first few days of AF. Don’t get me wrong, I still cry and feel depressed, but when I am busy and have a lot going on in life, I tend to bounce through it after a couple of days of feeling sorry for myself.
Or else maybe after 2 ½ + years of TTC, I am finally getting used to the fact that it NEVER happens for me. I never get those 2 pink lines. And maybe I’m just expecting that it won’t happen for me, so it’s a smidge easier to take each month.
I wish I was one of those women who had it easy. Ya know, the ones who say “Oh my gosh, I got pregnant the first month off birth control. I didn’t think it would be so easy!”  I used to be that na├»ve. Not so much anymore. I think I’ve gotten quite cynical about it all. I am even avoiding my guilty pleasure of reading the gossip rags since it seems like every 2nd day there is a new announcement of some pregnancy.
So “Relax” eh? Ya, I’ll try. I know it’s good not to stress about it; we all know stress is bad. But some switches are easier to flip than others. Until I can really figure it out, I’ll just stick with wearing the t-shirt!
~ A

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Just Accept It!

This is the advice I received today. Seems harsh, but I think it is the exact thing I needed to hear.

I got to practice yet another Oscar speech today, when a colleague at work told me that she's 12 weeks pregnant. She knows my situation of trying for 2 ½ years, but she still went on and on for a good 45 minutes about her pregnancy and how she was worried about her job and how she’s so tired now, how will it be after having her 3rd (yes, this is her 3rd pregnancy!). Seriously, could you have been any more insensitive?  (I just reminded myself of Chandler: Could you BE any more insensitive? Ok, so very 2001, but I needed a bit of a laugh…)  I just could not figure out a way to get out of that damn office, so I stood there with a smile pasted on my face, saying how happy I am for her and how wonderful this news is! I just can't believe I'm going to spend every single day for the next 6 months watching her belly grow, and watch our department go on and on about how excited they are. How miserable!!!!

So I high-tailed it to a friend's office and we went for a walk and I vented. She can definitely relate to me and she felt my pain. She has been through 3 IUI's and 2 IVF's. Her first IVF was successful and she had a gorgeous baby 2 years ago. The 2nd IVF a few months ago was not as successful. So she and I do our bitter whining about life every so often.

During our walk, I ask her how she does it - how does she make it through the days when people tell her about their pregnancies, while she suffers? She tells me that it took her a long while, but she accepts that this is the way it is for her...she's accepted the fact that she's just not able to get pregnant without some sort of intervention. With this knowledge, she is able to move on and try any other option available in order to get pregnant.

I feel like this "just accept it" piece of advice has opened my eyes. After months and months of TTC, I still keep making excuses for why we are not getting pregnant. I try to justify why it didn’t happen and try to think of something new or better to try next month, convinced that this time it will work. But nothing ever works. And because nothing is apparently “wrong” with either of us, I just have some false hope that it will eventually happen on its own. Maybe it's time to realize that this may not just happen. Two and a half years of trying to get pregnant is a long time. Maybe it is time to just accept it for what it is and move on to try some sort of medical intervention. This is hard for me to do. It’s admitting defeat that I couldn’t do it on my own and need to resort to something I never thought I’d have to. I really am going to try to get to the place in my mind where I do just accept it. I guess once I can do that, then I can start to get over it and do something about it!