Self-Soothing or Self-Sabotage???

Over the last 2 ½ years since my wedding, I have gained almost 40lbs. Gross! Like all brides, I wanted to look my best on my wedding day, so I made some changes to my lifestyle and lost the weight. I stopped eating after supper (late-night Ruffles chips are my weakness!) and I went on my treadmill 5 days a week for 30 mins of cardio.  And the weight came off! Just like they say it will. I had motivation and desire…plus, I had a dress to fit into and knew that I would be immortalized in pictures in my living room!

So what happened?  Well, to put it simply, I got lazy.  That’s definitely true.  It didn’t help that on my honeymoon, there was a Cold Stone Creamery in our hotel and eating ice cream by the beach seemed like a perfectly great way to spend every evening. So I came back already 6lbs higher than my wedding day. Then it just kept climbing. I stopped running 5 days a week (I think my treadmill is currently drying clothes, as I type this!) and celebrated a reunion with Ruffles, Lays and their evil friend Chester Cheetah! Not pretty…

Then my annual doctor’s check-up. I knew what she would say: time to lose some weight. No shit-Sherlock! What a brilliant idea! Look, as a bit of a chubby gal, I know when it’s time to lose weight. I don’t think anyone ever needs to be told that they need to lose weight. We all know it. So my problem is why can’t I do it? I have great intentions but then the weekend hits and it all goes out the window. Every fertility article I have ever read suggests being in good shape and how being overweight can affect hormones, making it more difficult to get pregnant. There is nothing else I want more in the world, than to have a baby.  So why isn’t that enough motivation to me?

Here’s the thing: I am an emotional eater. I have a crap day; I make myself feel better by having some cookies, or some peanut M & M’s. The dreaded 2-week-weight is hard on a girl, especially after 2 ½ years of waiting, waiting, waiting! So when I can’t convince myself any longer that it’s not implantation spotting, but actually my period starting, I head right to my new best friend: DQ’s Skor Blizzard with extra Reese Peanut Butter Cups. And when this happens month, after month, after month it’s not hard to see how someone can gain 40lbs. So here I am thinking that I’m self-soothing, but really I am self-sabotaging! I know that I’m not helping my body get in shape and prepare for carrying a baby. But I can’t make myself stop. Maybe I need to paste a big picture of a pregnant lady on my fridge for some motivation? It’s time to put down the mini-eggs and pick up my running shoes!

It’s a Monday, so my motivation is high. Anyone out there going through anything similar and have any suggestions???

~ A

Why don't you try...

Over the last many, many months, I have received tons of advice on how to get pregnant...whether I wanted it or not!

Some of my absolute favourites:
- Why don't you just get drunk?
I can't tell you the number of people who tell me to do this! I should just start carrying around a flask or a brown paper bag with some Wisers and stay in a daily drunken stupor!

- Just go on vacation!
Well that would be lovely and believe me when I say how more than willing I would be to go on vacation. It's just too bad that our backyard money tree is burried by so much snow!

- Do you want to borrow my 2-year old for the weekend? Then maybe you'll reconsider!
This one just offends me! Not a month goes by where a friend won't make this offer to me. So you're saying that your child's behaviour is so heinous that you think it would make me reconsider my dream of being a mom and having my own family? I am clearly aware that children cry, and are messy, and don't always do what you want. Doesn't mean I don't want my own.

- Just don't think about it!
Ok, don't think about your tongue then...  what are you thinking about now???

- Why don't you just adopt? Once you adopt then you'll definitely get pregnant
This is not a helpful suggestion at all. Firstly, adoption is a LONG, expensive process. You don't just throw your name on a list and wait for the phone to ring. I don't take the thought of adoption very lightly, and definitely wouldn't adopt just to trick my body into getting pregnant.

- Are you sure you're doing it right?
This is my favourite, which is where the name of the blog came from. Seriously though, think about that question. What exactly are you asking me here? That is a completely different topic on a completely different and more racey forum! But there is no respectable answer to this question. And ya know what? I've been baby-dancing for quite a while now, and not to sound slutty, but I have been having sex for quite a number of years, so ya, I'm pretty sure we're doing it right!!!

If anyone is out there, let me know what sort of horrible advice you've received over the months/years of TTC.

First comes love, then comes marriage...

...and then what? What if the next part of the story doesn't happen the way you want it to??

My first blog post! Exciting! And a good way to distract myself and get thoughts out of my head without verbally suffocating my husband.

Clearly I was not expecting to get to this point. And I don't want to become some old, cynical, bitter woman...or at least any more of one! So time to empty my bag, so to speak.

I have always been an overachiever and a planner. I accomplished what I wanted to in life: got great grades in high school, went to a fantastic university, travelled, found a boyfriend, found a career, bought a house, got married... And call me naive, but during a pre TTC appointment, I took offense when my doctor told me that she hoped to see me back in "3 to 6 months". Three to six months??? I was one of those people who just knew it would happen after the first month. And here I sit, nearly 2 1/2 years later, still waiting for that 2nd pink line. Ya, definitely naive!!!

So I hope to use this blog as a place to vent out my frustrations, share the good, the bad and the downright ridiculous, and to try to always keep a sense of humour about it all.  Cause some days, you just need to laugh.