Monday, January 31, 2011

Self-Soothing or Self-Sabotage???

Over the last 2 ½ years since my wedding, I have gained almost 40lbs. Gross! Like all brides, I wanted to look my best on my wedding day, so I made some changes to my lifestyle and lost the weight. I stopped eating after supper (late-night Ruffles chips are my weakness!) and I went on my treadmill 5 days a week for 30 mins of cardio.  And the weight came off! Just like they say it will. I had motivation and desire…plus, I had a dress to fit into and knew that I would be immortalized in pictures in my living room!

So what happened?  Well, to put it simply, I got lazy.  That’s definitely true.  It didn’t help that on my honeymoon, there was a Cold Stone Creamery in our hotel and eating ice cream by the beach seemed like a perfectly great way to spend every evening. So I came back already 6lbs higher than my wedding day. Then it just kept climbing. I stopped running 5 days a week (I think my treadmill is currently drying clothes, as I type this!) and celebrated a reunion with Ruffles, Lays and their evil friend Chester Cheetah! Not pretty…

Then my annual doctor’s check-up. I knew what she would say: time to lose some weight. No shit-Sherlock! What a brilliant idea! Look, as a bit of a chubby gal, I know when it’s time to lose weight. I don’t think anyone ever needs to be told that they need to lose weight. We all know it. So my problem is why can’t I do it? I have great intentions but then the weekend hits and it all goes out the window. Every fertility article I have ever read suggests being in good shape and how being overweight can affect hormones, making it more difficult to get pregnant. There is nothing else I want more in the world, than to have a baby.  So why isn’t that enough motivation to me?

Here’s the thing: I am an emotional eater. I have a crap day; I make myself feel better by having some cookies, or some peanut M & M’s. The dreaded 2-week-weight is hard on a girl, especially after 2 ½ years of waiting, waiting, waiting! So when I can’t convince myself any longer that it’s not implantation spotting, but actually my period starting, I head right to my new best friend: DQ’s Skor Blizzard with extra Reese Peanut Butter Cups. And when this happens month, after month, after month it’s not hard to see how someone can gain 40lbs. So here I am thinking that I’m self-soothing, but really I am self-sabotaging! I know that I’m not helping my body get in shape and prepare for carrying a baby. But I can’t make myself stop. Maybe I need to paste a big picture of a pregnant lady on my fridge for some motivation? It’s time to put down the mini-eggs and pick up my running shoes!

It’s a Monday, so my motivation is high. Anyone out there going through anything similar and have any suggestions???

~ A


  1. Welcome to the Blogging world! I look forward to reading your story!

    Here from LFCA!

  2. Ha, I did the same thing after my wedding. I gained about 7lbs just on our honeymoon alone. I haven't lost the weight either...

  3. I too am trying to lose a few pounds - for motivation...I stopped buying all my 'favorite' soothing/sabotage foods and bought healthier options. Doesn't make the craving go away, but if I actually have to get out to go get it, I am more likely to convince myself it just isn't worth it!
    Good luck and I'll be following your journey!

  4. I was in a similar situation last year--I didn't want to be weighed at the GYN's office--told them what I thought I weighed...well was I wrong...WAY WRONG.

    That day I just decided that it was time to make some changes--like you did the gym, did the less food intake and just kept going.

    Take small steps, and don't beat yourself up when you fall off the wagon...I certainly won't for I am currently wiping cookie crumbs off my chest...

  5. I'm with you! Actually starting on Thursday. In the meantime, I plan on drowning my BFN sorrows in everything imaginable until then.

    Suggestion? Write down what you eat and how you are feeling emotionally. I find this really helps.

  6. I guess it's both to be honest. of course it's soothing to have a treat when you feel low. You are not alone in that! But as you write yourself I think you know the other part as well. I'm just the same.

    So, you have done it before, right. That's proof enough that you can do it again! Start slow and build up the new habits again.. maybe once/twice a week exercise, then two/three times and so on.

    What I find goes hand in hand is that if I exercise I choose healthier food for as well. That is something that have helped me a lot. I have some goals myself on loosing weight to a healthy BMI before IVF.

  7. Wow! Thanks so much for the comments everyone! I feel like it will be a lot easier to 'be good' with others checking in & I have to be accountable. It's also nice to know that I'm not the only one in this situation. And misery loves company! haha :o)

  8. I too have a weakness for emotional eating (peanut M&M's have been my downfall on several occasions). I also gained mega weight after my wedding, mostly from depression as a result of my 2 miscarriages. As soon as I got that under control - my emotional eating got under control. I started yoga (highly recommended if you haven't tried it BTW), and just ate healthier. So - my suggestion is, check yourself. How are you feeling? I'm a huge believer in dealing with the reason behind the bad habit, before tackling the habit itself.
    Either way - good luck!

  9. Hi, I am an emotional eater, as well as a former pastry chef AS well as having low blood sugar. Good times. Anyway, instead of eating that stuff that is no good for you, ESPECIALLY if you are having problems TTC, buy some lovely berries. Fresh raspberries are wonderful and I used to be too cheap to buy them but I realized that they are a much healthier thing to snack on and the price makes me feel like I am indulging myself. Try reading Alexandria Jamiesons book The Great American Detox Diet.

  10. I have been thinking about you. Do you know what my RE told me when he was lecturing me about my weight? He said" I can get you pregnant, but I can't keep you pregnant." Which was scary, and even after losing enough weight to satisfy him, I ended up on bed rest with high blood pressure and gestational diabetes. And being pregnant when you are overweight is not fun. Anyhow, I hope this helped and wasn't hurtful. I want a second baby and I have to lose 19 pounds. I keep reminding myself that I can have another baby OR another snack, but not both.

  11. I also am an emotional eater and gained after getting married. The problem I have is that everytime I get back into the exercising mode, my ovulation gets thrown off - not at all helpful in TTCing, right?

    Well, now we're doing IVF so I can't exercise but I just really really want to get PG so I can have my baby and then be able to exercise without worrying about having a regular cycle. Gah...

  12. Alli,

    Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging. I am new, too, an I have to say, the support is phenomenal. I recently wrote a post on this exact issue. I'm 60 pounds up from when we started TTC around three years ago. I also question myself about why the most important thing in the world to me isn't enough motivation to make myself get my but to the gym and step away from the Ben & Jerry's. But, beating myself up about it doesn't just sends me running for the fridge. Instead, I've decided to take "baby steps" (no pun intended), joining a gym for 30 minutes of cardio a day and really stepping up the fruit and veggie intake, even if I still eat the more comforting foods. Maybe we can keep in touch with each other and hold one another accountable. Look forward to following your blog!

  13. Oh, I've absolutely been there. Every failed cycle I gave myself permission to pamper myself, which usually means chocolate, more chocolate and some wine on top. Both times I was trying to conceive, I gained weight quickly. I finally decided that I would focus on the conceiving part, and not stress about the weight and not get angry at myself. I did try to find other ways of pampering myself, but that only worked some of the time.

    Be kind to yourself.

  14. Thanks again everyone!! I have been inspired by your comments and I signed up for a fit & pilates class - it's once and week and I go with a friend, so I can't skip out! And I bought a 10-pass yoga as well. So I'm going to start getting back into shape. Also, I think I'm going to stick a big picture of a baby on my cupboard (the one that holds the chips!!).

    Celia - I'm going to check out that book as well!

    Thanks again everyone - you guys are the best!!! :o)

  15. Please check out The Prior Fat Girls blog. It is so helpful.