Friday, February 4, 2011

Another Year Wiser?

It’s a day I’ve been dreading for months. I just didn’t expect to be at this point when I got here. I have been realizing over the last few years how unfair life can be, and how things just do not happen as you want them to.  But turning 33 is just such an ugly number to me.  This just has not gone to plan at all! I was supposed to have 3 children by now – or at least 2 of them and be ready for the 3rd.  But here I sit, still waiting for number 1.  I hate the thought of turning another year older and still no baby. And it’s hard to watch all my friends go on to have baby after baby, without any trouble at all.
So my plan is to spend the day with large amounts of alcohol!! I plan to definilely drown my sorrows in booze.  Lots and lots o’ booze! I’ve got my big wine glass ready for the day…and a few shot glasses too!
I don’t know how people keep from playing the time game. I am always calculating when my due date would be, should I get pregnant each cycle. And how old I’d be at that time. So to hit yet another birthday without the joy of announcing a pregnancy is just devastating to me. I’m going to try to do my best and not bawl my eyes out (that was how I spent my 30th!!) and just focus on the good things in my life. I’m sure the drinks will help!
I hope I’m not the only one who whines on my birthday! Anyone else have some ideas on how to pretend my 33rd is just another day?
~ A


  1. Happy Birthday.

    And I immediately think of the song 'It's my birthday and I cry if I want to'

    We are the same age then and I have the same feelings about this all. Hoped for a couple of babies before turning thirty myself..

    Go throw a party for yourself if that's what you need. It's your day!

  2. Happy Birthday!
    It is funny how we naturally give ourselves timelines and deadlines based on age without any ideas of possible struggles ahead. I don't have a solution, but maybe giving up control of the timelines would help, at least for a day. Of course, I am all for a hefty amount of drinking while partying with great friends and family! Here's hoping you have a wonderful day celebrating with those who support and love you!

  3. Happy Birthday! I hope no matter what that you have a good day.

  4. Thanks so much for the birthday wishes everyone!! I actually ended up having a really great day, though some champagne and a delicious chocolate martini did help! I am going to try to stop putting deadlines on my life. Try is the key word there... ha!

  5. Happy birthday! I am a new blogger too. Let's keep each other company =)

  6. I turn 32 on the 12th and I am choosing to go out to dinner with some of my sisters in the infertility trenches and, since one of them is my massage therapist, too, to have a birthday massage. Finally, I belong to MENSA, and they have games nights every once in awhile...this month's just happens to fall on my birthday. So, I am going to go geek out with a bunch of board games until 3 in the morniing. My plan is to keep busy and refuse to view my birthday as a milestone or marker of any kind. I'll let you know how that goes.

  7. I think the alcohol is a great idea. I try to tell myself that turning another year older is much better than the alternative (dead) but really, watching the years tick over again and again without having the much desired child(ren) is so difficult! I do hope you find some way to enjoy it.

  8. Your clever blog name says it all! Your sense of humor is awesome and I love following your blog. So, I've nominated it for two awards on my blog -

    Can't wait to continue to follow your progress.