I’ve been through so many moments at restaurants or out for coffee where a friend reveals that she is pregnant, and I am forced to finish my meal with a phony smile pasted on my face, pretending to be so excited for my friend. Meanwhile, all I want to do is ask for the cheque and get the hell out of there so I can go home and bawl my eyes out. But I ask all the questions that you’re supposed to ask: “how have you been feelings? Any funny food cravings? Will you find out the sex?” What I really want to ask is? “Will you continue to rub that in my face for the next 9 months? Will you complain about being pregnant and gain weight? Will you ‘forget’ how to have any conversations that do not revolve around your pregnancy?”
So here’s my speech, as I accept the Oscar for “Ecstatic ‘Reproductively Challenged’ Friend”:
Wow! I am so surprised and grateful for this award! I first have to thank my ovaries and uterus for not cooperating and not doing their jobs to get me pregnant. I know you work hard to play keep-away with Hubs’ sperm and prevent me from getting pregnant. I also want to thank 14 of my friends who have announced their pregnancies over the last 2 ½ years, who have allowed me to practice my art of acting excited and happy for yet another person getting pregnant before me. I just can’t wait to be an Autie, yet again!
Ok, so that's Sandra Bullock accepting her Oscar, but you get the picture!